renew my strength

A couple mornings ago I looked out the kitchen window and saw a bald eagle circling around the island out in the lake. Was it a sign? A gift from my heavenly father? Maybe just a reminder....I don't know, but it encouraged me, nonetheless.

Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I laughed last night.
For the first time in two weeks.
I sat on the couch with my kids and grandkids and watched American Idol and we talked, and for the first time in two weeks I had a feeling of "normalcy".
It was a real live, honest to goodness, conversation. Emphasis on honest.
It felt SO good.
If you don't know what's going on, this won't make any sense to you.
If you do know, you'll understand.

Skunked

I continue to have issues. But this has nothing to do with my current state of anger and rage. It has to do with my hair.

I have really gray hair. Don't even ask why. That has to do with my current state. Anyways...I go to this upscale (i.e. really expensive) salon, about 45 minutes away from this God forsaken town that I live in, mostly because nobody there knows me. It's gotten to be ridiculously expensive and I tried to go to different hair stylists in this town, but I backslid and returned to Gene J. Partly because they always give you glasses of ice water with lemon in it, but mostly because I just like it there. It makes me feel "special". The point is, I went last week and got my hair colored, just as I do every six weeks. But for some reason, it turned out dark. Really, really dark. Way darker than it usually is. The girl must have somehow messed up, because now I look goth. And for this I paid a bu**-load of money. Plus gas. So now I'm either going to have to live with this, which is better than the grown-out skunk look I had going on, or I'm going to have to call up there and explain my problem and reschedule another appointment and drive back up there and have them put some highlights in so that it doesn't look so dark and pay more money. And frankly, I can barely leave my house right now. But that's a whole 'nother story.

P.S. I just made myself an appointment for Friday.

issues

My thoughts lately:
...going thru mcdonald's drive thru yesterday, I ordered a mcchicken sandwich and a medium diet coke..

"Do you want fries with that?"

(If I wanted fries, wouldn't I have ordered them?) "NO"

"Would you like to donate a dollar to the ....such and such charity?"

"No. No. No. No. No. I just want a mcchicken sandwich and a medium diet coke. " (How about this? How about you donate a dollar to me? So I can pay for this blasted mcchicken sandwich that i really shouldn't be eating anyway, because it'll probably just make me sick to my stomach like everything else i eat does these days? or better yet, for the gas I've spent sitting in this drive thru while you ask me stupid questions. or even better, so I can pay....grrr argh!!!)

I'm having anger issues.

perspective

Putting details of my personal life on the internet isn't something I do very often. Not a smart idea. Suffice it to say, life is hard right now. The good thing about hard times is that it puts everything else in perspective and allows me to see what's important in my life. We'll survive. I'm not sure how, but with God's grace and love, we will. The other thing about hard times is that it drives me to my bible, where the living word of my heavenly father somehow comforts and upholds me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)

9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Psalm 71:20-21 (New International Version)

20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.

21 You will increase my honor
and comfort me once again.

Amen.

kinda freaky

kinda freaky how accurately this describes me.

What Anita Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to all the people in my life that I love! especially to my dear hubby! I love you all! I'm wondering if people have plans for this day of love and romance? Me, nothing special. Today I'm just happy that the sun is shining, (yea!), that we're still here and alive, and that I have someone in my life that loves me, no matter how crazy I can get!

Health care

My frustration with my health insurance company continues to increase on a monthly basis. The cost of my prescriptions have gone from $72 a month in December, to $85 in January and now to $92 in February. In January we had to switch to a new "group" with our same insurance company, because, apparently, our business was no longer large enough to sustain our own group. Because of that change, our benefits also changed, reducing the amount our insurance company paid for prescriptions and other medical costs. Basically, what the pharmacist told me, is that the insurance company doesn't pay ANYTHING on my prescriptions! Now, apparently, the pharmaceutical company has also increased the price of my medication. My hubby says the new insurance saves us $200 a month, reducing our premiums from $700+ a month to $500+ a month. This is for two people, each with a deductible of $1000. We have a small business and pay for insurance coverage for seven people. Fortunately, we can afford it...I feel sorry for those people whose employers can't afford medical coverage, or, others, like my son-in-law, who is self-employed and can't afford the premiums and therefore, is uninsured. If the costs of health insurance and health care continue to rise like they have the last ten years, I can see many small businesses canceling their employee's coverage, or going out of business trying to afford it. The question is, what do you do? Go without health insurance? Risky, at best. Our next step may be to invest in a Health Savings Account.

Enough is enough

Hmm, talk about a pity party. Boy, have I been throwing myself a whopper lately! Sometime today, in the midst of perusing a stack of books high enough to consume my entire stash of spending money for the next 13 days, browsed thru while nestled deep in the cushions of the "good" chairs at Barnes and Noble, my spirit lightened and I made a decision...enough is enough.

I don't know what brought it on. Maybe it was just taking time the last couple of days to spend some time on "me". Maybe it was enthusiasm about new ideas gleaned from the art books I was looking at. Maybe it was the holy spirit, battling oppression and being victorious. Maybe somewhere, someone was praying. I don't know, but somehow, a cloud was lifted, and I am beginning to feel better.

It's hard; this being a parent business. If my husband and kids and grandkids and family are the most important things in my life, after my relationship with my heavenly father, how do I balance that priority and not be consumed by it? How do I not let the choices that other people in my life have made, not overwhelm MY life too? How do I pursue interests and desires that I have, and not let that turn into selfishness?

Geez, why is my life so complicated, when I yearn for simplicity?

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Hard days

Some days, most days, are hard. I wake up thinking I just can't do this anymore, I go to bed thinking the same. Yesterday was especially hard. Kids needing rescue...flat tires abound. A job, desperately needed and wanted, so close, but not to be. Grandkids, preschool, no bus drivers. Legal issues, seemingly never-ending. Rain, rain, rain, snow. Stomach flu, colds. Gossip. Small town politics and corruption. A friend, diagnosed with cancer. A family member irate. I am on my last leg. I am beyond tired. Praise be to my God that He will carry me, when my strength is gone.

Some days I'd just like to run away.


"...When I am afraid I will trust in You. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?... They stir up strife, they lurk; they watch my steps as they have waited for my life... they injure my cause, their thoughts are against me...in the day when I call, this I know that God is for me...In God whose word I praise, in the Lord whose word I praise, In God I trust; I shall not be afraid..." Ps. 56

small town living

In an e-mail from my sister-in-law this week:

"The nice thing about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does."

Need I say more?

Somewhere over the rainbow

Again?

So we trekked to Seattle this weekend, again! It's becoming a monthly habit for the hubby and I that we thoroughly enjoy. I've made it abundantly clear to him how much I detest living in the town we live in. Because of work and family, he finds it unfathomable to even consider moving. I, on the other hand, feel as strongly about the prospect of spending the rest of my life living in this town. So, as a compromise, we've agreed to spend at least one weekend a month out of town. When time, money and circumstances allow it, I intend to start taking longer trips out of state, and even out of the country. In May, I am going to Nicaragua. I cannot begin to say how excited I am about it!

This past weekend I spent Saturday shopping for a wedding dress with my future daughter-in-law. The girl is so beautiful, inside and out, and I cannot wait for her to marry my son! I was honored she invited me to go with her and her mom and two of her bridesmaids. I met up with my hubby later and we stayed the night in Seattle.

On Sunday we went to the Paramount Theatre and watched River Dance. It was so fun and so amazing! I've heard this is the last time the show will be touring in the United States, but I'm not sure if that's accurate or not. No matter, I'm just glad I got to see it. This was also the first time I've ever been to the Paramount Theatre. What a beautiful building!

Spending time with my hubby is always a treat for me. He works long hours and generally doesn't get home from work until around 7:00 or 7:30 p.m. Spending time with him AWAY is even better!